Love and Dating and Their Musing Power (And Ability to Make Me Ramble)

So I'm aware that "musing" likely isn't a officially recognized word or terminology but I had to word it some how. We see it's influence in television, films, music...practically everywhere. There's just something wonderful yet terrifying yet all-encompassing yet mysterious yet magical about love.

No, this won't be my typical blog. This blog has very little to do with religion or with theology or with relationship and fellowship with my Savior. This blog is all about romantic, powerful love and my quest to let it find me. Yes, you read it right...I want love to find me. I've searched high and low; taken many journeys in life in an attempt to discover this ever-elusive...thing. Yes, I've loved, I've lost, I've done it all. Yes, I DO believe in love. And, no, I have not given up on love either.

The last year has been a wonderful journey for me in which I have really come to know myself. It's an amazing thing to take a step back and look at yourself only to realize that you have NEVER really known yourself. It's also not at easy fact to accept considering I've always prided myself on being the most real, genuine, honest and down to earth person anyone would ever meet. Perhaps I was being all of those things to everyone else...except for myself.

I fell in love REALLY hard one time back when I was in college. We started as friends and just fell really hard for each other, or at least I fell really hard for her. I spent a week with her and her family that summer...her dad even gave me "the talk" one day whilst riding around town. We made plans for our future and we just couldn't WAIT to start living out the plan of God together forever! A few weeks after I left her home that summer, she met another boy..kissed him...and a couple years later married him.

So much for that, huh? Where did that leave me? In a broken heap. I turned inward..and stayed that way for many, many years following. In fact, that's been about 7 years ago now...and I've only recently come out of that hole that I buried myself in. So now, like a phoenix, I've risen from the earth ready to burn bright alongside my mate. The problem is, however, that I've forgotten how to make those pure connections with people due to my many years of selfish dating endeavors and playing the field and basically just using people.

Now let's not get it twisted...this is NOT a blog reflecting on my past nor is it a blog seeking the pity of others...I simply wanted to lay just a bit of back story here. Though the things in my more recent past are kinda negative, I've been restored, my broken heart has FINALLY healed (simply b/c I gave that issue to God and let Him heal me) and I've given up my pursuit of immorality to cure all my hurt.

I've watched most of my closest friends get married. In fact, I was in 2 weddings this summer back to back. In recent years I've witnessed nearly all of my single friends meet, court and marry their loves. I don't know if it's the fact that nearly all of these friends have been younger than me that has jarred me or if it's simply the realization that I've placed myself in this position over the years that's caused me to miss out...but either way I'm ready for my time.

The biggest issue that I've discovered is that I have almost always settled. I've been lonely and just so desperate to have that relationship with someone (neither of these are good reasons to date someone, by the way!) that I've, in times past, settled for the first cute girl to come along and show some interest. Then, once in that relationship, I've found myself unsatisfied due to personality clashes, emotional instabilities, intellect barriers and *gasp* even attraction issues. I know, I've likely just been written off as a shallow guy because of that list...but hear me out.

Where do we get the idea that it's OK to settle for something less than what we REALLY want? Is it NOT OK to have standards or something? I mean, seriously, I've dated some really pretty girls...but I've realized that these same girls aren't the best that I could do either. And I just don't see what's wrong with that realization. I DO believe that there is SOME woman of God out there that embodies everything I want in a woman...a great personality, reasonable emotional stability, intelligent (both naturally and spiritually) and out of my league gorgeous. I've never really pursued any woman like that before. Sure, I've known many women that would fit all of those things and then some...but I never even TRIED with them (other than the chick from college). So I've adopted a new philosophy on dating..and it's the same philosophy I have when it comes to everything else, really. I'm looking at over-all quality. When I purchase something, I don't buy the cheapest thing...I buy what will give me the most long-term return for the highest quality. Why shouldn't I seek a relationship in the same fashion?

I know that some in the Christian circle will view this blog and preach at me that I should "just wait on the Lord and He will provide and bring her unto you" and all that stuff. I don't disagree with that totally, however, I live in a natural world where not EVERYTHING is spiritual. Beyond that, is it NOT my job as a man to be the pursuer of a woman?? I'm aware that I'll likely get rejected many times over...I've always pursued the ones that I KNEW I'd have a shot at. But I'm ready to be brave now and actually go for what I desire rather than what could just be served to me on a silver platter.

So women of God of the world...this is your served notice. If you match any of the above listed criteria and you are NOT afraid of being a pastors wife or if you believe that you are called to be a pastors wife, I'm coming for you! No, I'm not looking to play the field...I'm not looking to date as many women as is possible in search for "the one". I'm not even looking to get married. What I REALLY want to find is that friend...that mate...and I want to woo her and court her and show her that Hollywood doesn't have the corner market on romance. I learned romance from my Father in Heaven...the Greatest Romantic one could ever know.

The end...for now.

LOVE!!!!

There's A Stirring...

As of this month, I've been home from bible school for 2 months. During that 2 years of training, I received more in-depth bible teaching, knowledge and application than I ever have before...and that's saying A LOT! I received something else during that time as well though...vision. I had it all planned out in my head of what my return home would be like. I realized, of course, that things have a way of turning out SO much differently than what you envision in your head or even in your heart most of the time...so when I got home to discover that I'd basically be sitting on my hands most of the time, I wasn't COMPLETELY shocked.

How many of you know what it's like to KNOW that you are called to do something or you KNOW that you have a certain purpose in your life and yet you find yourself in a place that neither supports that plan nor gives you an avenue to live it out? Anybody feel me there? Now for those of you that are just going to label me as "negative" here, I encourage you to just GET REAL with yourselves and realize that I'm simply stating things the way that they are. If you can't relate to this then perhaps you should just stop reading. Love ya! Anyway...coming home, I found myself in that very place mentioned above. I know what I'm called to do. I've known it in my heart since I was a child, had it confirmed to me over and over and over again and...besides all that, I've had that drive in me my whole life.

Some might say that I'm just too impatient or unwilling to submit (which is TOTALLY untrue!) to authority but I decree something else entirely. I'm just a driven and passionate individual that likes to get things done...and I've grown very tired of waiting. So here's what I'm going to do...I'm going to begin video-blogging. What am I gonna Vlog about? I'm not entirely sure. I know that I'll be giving you things from the Word of God that you'll not only find relevant and simple but also true and applicable to your every day life. I'm tired of church as usual. I'm tired of being a butt in the seat. Most of all, I'm tired of having to hold in everything I have stirring inside of me. If there isn't an avenue for me to pour out in the local church, if there isn't a platform from which I can stand and proclaim the truth, if there isn't a body of believers that I can stand before and minister to...then my life is as nothing.

It's time for me to take matters into my own hands, in a way. I NEED to pour out...I don't want to. When things are bursting inside of you, you have to just let them out. What better place for that...what better avenue than the internet? By making every where that I go my pulpit, whether naturally or digitally, I can and will fulfill the plan of God for my life. No need to be micro-managed by others here...as a minister, I answer first of all to my Father in Heaven. Yes, I'll still be accountable to others. Namely, my pastor and my church....but my Vloggings will not be affiliated with them in any way other than in natural association.

So you want a relevant word for your life? Tune in for my video blogs, coming to a server near you very soon!

Be blessed and I love ya!

Home

I so well remember the day that I moved out to Broken Arrow, OK to attend Rhema Bible Training Center.  Not much more than a year before this time, I had rededicated my life to God after having gotten hurt and offended in ministry and subsequently, turning my back to everything.  I was planning to attend community college to catch up on all the boring courses that I'd have to take when I went back to Lee before completing my major courses.  I thought this would be a great plan and thought that following in the footsteps of one my mentors, Dr. David Horton (not the Rhema one, by the way), was the way to go.  Sitting in class one day, I just felt that there had to be MORE.  Something MORE out there for me...cuz what I was doing just wasn't cutting it.  Long story shorter, the Spirit of God led me to attend Rhema. And I knew about attending a year ahead of time...but in THAT time, I became the youth and music pastor at my church.  Stepping down to attend Rhema was hard yet also very exciting because I knew I was following God.  I told the people at my farewell party, "Be back in 18 short months!"

  Here it is, February...I graduate in May.  May 15th will mark that 18 short month time-span.  So what am I gonna do?  Well I had actually decided to attend a 3rd year.  I wanted to do 3rd year Pastors...which is really just a more intense, involved study of the pastoral ministry.  See, I got out to Rhema and realized that EVERYTHING I ever learned in ministry and at Lee up to that point was all...not wrong...but...just...lacking.  See, I thought I knew it all.  Then I got to Rhema and learned that A LOT of what I had learned was MAN'S way of ministry rather than what the Bible says.   I had learned to be self and man led more than I had learned to be Spirit-led.  So, naturally, going a 3rd year was the perfect plan for this guy!

I decided I was going last summer...I came to school this year knowing that next year, I'm gonna be a 3rd year pastor!  Then, suddenly, (you have to watch out for those suddenlys whenever the Holy Spirit is involved, by the way...check out the entire book of Acts to see what I mean) the Holy Spirit checked me about my decision.  Just a feeling in my gut that I needed to do the right thing and talk to my pastor about my intentions.  I talked to him...was in agreement with me if I chose to go a 3rd year.  Ok, awesome...now I'm gonna wait to hear from God for sure about what to do...cuz NOW I wanna both go home and get back to the plow AND attend a 3rd year (which is impossible).

Sitting class on Friday, February 6, in How To of Missions with Rev. Jim Andrews, what the Holy Spirit was speaking to me all this time finally registered.  See, here's what's so special about Rhema...the spoon-feed you the Word of God but they also teach you letter by letter of how to be led by the Spirit of God.  Brother Andrews was talking about, seemingly randomly by the way, being led by the Spirit.  He stated that you know it's the Holy Spirit when you're feeling something or hearing something inside (in your spirit) and it just won't go away.  Like a broken record, it just stays with you and repeats until either you yield to it or totally ignore it and do the opposite of it.  

That's what I needed to hear...because ever since I talked to my pastor, all I could think was, "Go home."  "Go home."  "Go home."  "Go home."  So, family, guess what?

I'M COMIN' HOME!  And when I make such statements, I just get some kinda bubbling feeling in my tummy...almost like a laugh but not quite a laugh.  And I'm pretty sure...that's a GOOD thing.

Love you all!

R.I.P.

So how does this happen?  I mean...really?  REALLY??  Hey boys, I've got a great idea!  Since ole Tubby couldn't beat a very good Tide team this year despite doing so for the last 6 years, let's just force the loser out!  

Apparently the powers that be at Auburn thought this was a great idea.

I can't help but disagree.  Not that my ranting will change anything.  Way to screw up what was a promising dynasty at Auburn.  Way to go!  One lousy season after 6 great ones does NOT make a team sub-par.  That makes a team a TEAM!  Auburn University, I'm so grateful that I can't call you my Alma Mater.  Cuz if I were able to, I'd burn my certificate.

Unless Chizik can do the unthinkable, I'm leaving my jerseys hanging in the closet.  

Till the day when we get a better coach....War Eagle, anyway.  I guess.

Yes you can!!

I want you to know that you CAN do anything!

I want to tell you that anyone that has ever told you that can't LIED to you!

I want to let you know that with the Greater One living inside of you, you are unstoppable!

I want you to know that anyone who programmed you to believe that maybe you can't b/c of this or maybe you can't b/c of that...they were mis-informed! They didn't know what you are capable of. They didn't know that you can tap into the very power of God Almighty and live from the inside out!

The world doesn't understand that it can't stop you. The world doesn't know that it can't hold you back. The world doesn't know that it can only slow you down when you allow it to do so.

The enemy knows what you're capable of. The enemy comes to steal from you those dreams that God has given you and placed inside of you. The enemy has come to kill those hopes and dreams that you have inside of you. And the enemy would even KILL and DESTROY you if he could. Here's something else that the enemy knows, though. he CAN'T do it!

YOU have all power and authority in Jesus' Name even on your weakest, sickest, brokest, laziest, most careless day!

It's time we rise up and understand who we really are! We are, indeed, the sleeping giant, the church of God, chosen and set apart for the works of His kingdom at THIS VERY HOUR!

It's time to rise up! It's time to let go of all the lies of the past. It's time to let go of all the things that so easily beset us and PRESS ON! It's time to adopt a NEW mindset, the mind of Christ, and refuse to give up, refuse to give in and refuse to be stopped!

You can do anything! You can't lose! You weren't called out of darkness into the kingdom of His dear Son to lack, suffer or live in defeat!

You were made for this time! You were made for this hour! You were made to raise the dead! You were made to heal the sick! You were made to sing new songs!

You were made to go forth and conquer! You were made to bind up those who are hurting! You are ANOINTED!

You were crucified with Christ and yet you no longer live but Christ lives WITHIN you!

Vow this day to go on with God! Vow this day to rise up and do everything God has called you to do! Vow this day to be who He has called you to be!

Because THAT is the only purpose we were created for...to be who HE has called us to be.

Glory to God!

Maintaing your thoughts

I don't want to put a whole lot of fluff or anything here and I certainly don't wanna beat around the bush on this issue.  I'm sick and tired of seeing my friends and family live defeated, broken, busted, disgusted and ignorant lives!  Why do we choose to walk at an inferior standard of life than that which was intended for us by our heavenly Father?  Why do I choose to do it myself at times?  Why do we live lives in defeat, pain and agony when Jesus died, rose again and is now seated in the heavenly realms (and we are seated there with Him)?  

Since being at home this summer, I've spent a considerable amount of time trying to grow, yearning to growand fighting tooth and nail in order to grow.  After everything that went down with me at Rhema my first year and learning WHY those things went down, I've devoted an enormous amount of my time reading about, studying about, meditating about our thought lives as believers and the maintenance (or lack of maintenance) thereof.  I would recommend to you 2 books for this, specifically.  "Movin' On Up" by Rev. Marvin Yoder and "Mastering the Silence" by Rev. Doug Jones.  You can also check out "Right and Wrong Thinking" by Kenneth E. Hagin, as well as "Words" and "In Him" by the same author.  And you can find most of these books online via the Rhema bookstore:  www.rhema.org/bookstore  Though I am unsure of how you can get your hands on a copy of Marvin Yoder's book, I would suggest you find SOME WAY to do so if you're interested.

I've discovered one answer to the questions I posted above in my first paragraph and that answer is simply this: ignorance.  Most believers aren't taught anything about maintaining their thought lives.  Some believers that are taught about it refuse to accept the teaching simply due to the fact that it is made known that maintaining your thought life requires much personal responsibility.  And, let's face it, most Christians don't like hearing about responsibility and we don't typically like hearing that a prayer line isn't a cure-all for all the issues that we have.  I grew up spiritually in the church of God denomination.  I don't regret that or look back on that in any negative way.  For the most part, I was given great doctrinal teaching from the Word and even more so in-depth while I was attending Lee University.  I was never, however, taught certain fundamental truths that I, personally, believe to be vital.  I was never taught what it meant to be made righteous and how to live a righteous life.  I understood that Jesus made me righteous but I had no conception about what that fact meant.  I knew that I had to say "no" to temptation and, over-all, sin.  But I had no teaching whatsoever about how to put the flesh under.  I knew that I had to speak the Word in times of temptation and struggle but I had no idea about how to apply such knowledge.  Lastly, I was NEVER taught about the unmaintained thought-life.  I was never given the adequate knowledge with which to battle back against the war in my head, ears and eyes.

In essence, that is what I got a crash-course in my first year at Rhema.  It's not a lesson that I'm proud of having to have learned in the way that I did but it will forever be a lesson that I am grateful for having learned with such intensity.  Point blank, family, we have to end the ignorance!  It's time that we, as the body of Christ, are given knowledge with which to battle back against the attacks of our enemy.  As Rev. Doug Jones says in his book "Mastering the Silence", "Knowledge and it's proper use wins battles."  It may take me a couple blogs to do so but I'm going to give my brothers and sisters some knowledge.  I'm sick of watching lives being lived at a sub-standard level and I'm tired of watching churches not do anything about equipping these people with the proper knowledge!  I may not be the church, I may not be ordained or credentialed in any denomation and I may not come from a "religious" or denominational background that you even agree with but I do believe the Word of God and I do know that God's Word works!  

2 Corinthians 2:11 proves to us that we can know the way he works.  The scripture says "lest satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices."  Just to post a tiny side-note here, the devil does not change.  he doesn't come up with new ways to deceive us (Rev. 12:7-9) and nor will he ever come up with a new way to do so (Rev. 20).  The only way the enemy can score a win over us is if he can deceive us and get us to go along with his thoughts, ideas or suggestions.  I want to define the word deceive just for the sake of doing so...plus, I just like the defenition.  Deceive- the implication is to cause us to think on things that are not true. 

The first time the enemy deceives someone, it is Eve in the Garden of Eden.  Almost all are familiar with this ordeal and how it went down though I believe a vital lesson has been left out of most teaching on this issue.  When the devil deceived Eve, it was what is known as a precendent-setting event.  A precedent is an occurence or event which acts as a guide for future acts of a similar kind.  If we can learn how the devil intended to defeat Eve then we can learn how he endeavours to defeat you and I!  I'll give you a bit of a spoiler...he doesn't show up all big and bad and fearsome and scary like many of us have been taught to believe.   If you read Genesis 3:1-6, Luke 4:1-13, John 8:44 and Revelation 12:7-9, you'll see that he shows up only in a deceptive fashion.

When the enemy comes to Eve, he comes at her in a subtile, almost friendly manner simply offering a bit of advice..."HAS God said?  ..you will not SURELY die...  you'll be like gods!  ...you'll know good and evil!"  Or, in most of our cases he says such things as, "You'll be better off...  you'll feel better...  one time won't hurt, God will forgive you...  no one will ever know...  the Bible doesn't say it's a SIN..." With every one of these lies, however, comes a consequence or reaction that will indeed change your quality of life in some negative capacity.  Back to Eve...he does nothing more, as you can now see, than offer her a little thought, a little idea and offers a little suggestion.  That's it.  That's our enemy's method of operation.  If he can get just offer us some ideas and get us to think about them long enough that we actually follow them out then he knows he can beat us.  When he tempted Jesus in Luke 4, along with his encounter with Eve, he was simply proving John 8:44 and Revelation 12:7-9 to you, dear friends!  The devil is a liar!  In tempting Jesus, he took Him about showing Him all these things and offered them to Him.  There was no hint of fear, doom or anything spooky or scary about that encounter, either.  he simply came offering thoughts, ideas and suggestions, almost as a friend or as one lending advice.  Jesus, unlike Eve, however, fought back against our enemy setting a precedent of His Own for us to use today.  Jesus' response to the enemy was to speak the Word.  

What does that mean?  What does it mean to battle back at these thoughts that come to mind by speaking the Word?  It doesn't necessarily mean quoting John 3:16 but if that is a Word that is alive in your heart, I'm inclined to believe that it would work in your situation.  Jesus gave us the example and this also shows us where our personal responsibility comes in.  He spoke the Word back at the enemy in the area in which the enemy came at Him.  In other words, the enemy came at Jesus perverting scripture and Jesus responded back with more scripture providing His rebuttal.  

I'm still at the stage where I'm trying to get enough scripture hidden in my heart that I can fight back at these thoughts with the Word instantly.  We have to be vigilant, friends, and examine EVERY THOUGHT that comes into our mind.  Yeah, it sounds like a lot of work, and it is, but it will keep you free of bondage and keep you from falling from your place with God!  There is more to be said on the subject of maintaining your thoughts and I think I'll do another blog about that very soon.  For now though, let me leave you with this:

If you are suffering from depression, struggling with sexual immorality, homosexuality, unforgiveness, lonliness, doubt, unbelief, anger, etc. then it is a result of YOUR unmaintained thought life.  Having someone pray for you is simply not enough.  Having someone agree with you in prayer is simply not enough.  Having someone lay hands on you and rebuke things and plead the blood of Jesus, etc. is simply...not enough.  Why?  Thoughts always come before actions.  Always.  You've never done ANYTHING without first thinking about it.  Rest assured, dear family, you have never made a single action without first giving it enough thought to decide that you were going to do it.  I'm about to get extremely real and very graphic here so if you are under the age of 18, please do NOT read this next part without first getting your parents permission to do so.  Yes, I'm talking to any Living Faith youth that may be reading this.

Any struggle you're having with lust, masturbating, trying drugs, tobacco or alcohol, having sex (of any sort), pornography, "making out" (which I consider to fall into the category of sexual immorality due to the lust implications...and that's just the opinion of David Steinberg and not necessarily anyone else), it all starts in the area of your mind.  The thoughts come up that...it'll feel good.  Just one time won't matter.  God will forgive me and if God forgives me then it's ok..why SHOULDN'T I?  I can quit anytime.  Once doesn't hurt.  It'll make the pain go away.  It'll make the pain hurt less.  ....LIES!  These are all LIES!  Yes, God WILL forgive you, ok?  I'm not saying that is a lie.  But the implication that you should do it b/c He will forgive you IS a lie.  When these things come to mind, you HAVE to address them!  I know I'm not covering every thought that comes to mind for you but I'm being totally open with you and showing you the things that often come to MY mind.  These are thoughts that must be maintained at all costs.  I don't simply ignore these thoughts in order to overcome them...that won't work.  That's what I tried doing all these years.  Ignoring implies ignorance and ignorance will always keep you in defeat!  You have to speak to these thoughts!  That's right...you have to open your mouth and speak!  What do you speak?  You do as Paul instructed in 2 Corinthians 10:5 and you cast down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing EVERY thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ!  You tell it where to go!  You openly refuse it!  You openly rebuke it in Jesus name!  That's the kinda stuff I do, anyway and I see it work for me day after day after day and minute upon minute.  As for speaking the word...when I have those lustful, prideful and/or deceitful thoughts I immediately will speak out loud something from the Word.  Something such as "Glory to God! (the Word does say that in many places...I know..simplistic, huh?) or "Praise the Lord!" or "Bless You, Lord!"  I find myself basically and in essence speaking the book of Psalms, it seems. :-D  I promise you this though...IT WORKS.  The Word ALWAYS works.

If you don't want to believe me, that's ok.  I know I'm teaching the Word though.  I've studied this so much the last 3 months that it has almost gotten so far deep down into my spirit that teaching it is automatic.  If you don't want to accept it though..that's fine.  But I'm giving you knowledge of how to gain freedom and come to know how applicable John 8:36 (Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed) and John 10:10b (I have come that they may have life and have it more abundantly/to the full/a better life than they ever dreamed of/in abundance[to the full, till it overflows]...you get the picture.

So here's my challenge...try it.  Go ahead and try it.  Address the thought verbally (not mentally), cast it out and/or speak the Word (such as "Glory to God" or whatever is in your heart) immediately and see if you don't move up to new levels in God!

I love you guys dearly and long to see you all grow, succeed and even exceed in life.  Most of all, I want to see you all fulfill God's Divine call on your life