Belonging

It never fails! Any time you find yourself in the midst of the plan of God for your life, you will greet discouragement at some point like an old, long-lost friend! It's so simplistic that we can do what God has called us to do yet be led with tunnel-vision rather than noticing everything else at work around you. When we do this, we are not ONLY being led just by the things that we see but we are missing the actual unfolding of God's plan all around us and through us! I've always promised to be transparent with people. Whether it be one on one or through a blog, I've made it a point most of my life to just be genuine, transparent and, at times, raw. So here goes nothin'!

Lately I HAVE been a bit discouraged. Anyone that has read previous blogs or has spent any time with me in person at all could likely pick up on that. Despite ALLLLL the encouragement I received the last 2 years in Bible school and ALLLLL the great services and ALLLL the encouraging facebook status updates of favorite Rhema instructors such as Doug Jones and Karen Jensen, I've found myself discouraged. What sliced me like a dull sickle, however, was one particular status update by one of my aforementioned instructors. Now, I doubt that Mrs. Jensen takes the time to read my blogs, but just in case she does...thank you, Mrs. Karen! You rock! This is what the update said: "You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him."

Yeah...that one kinda hurt. What I had failed to realize is that I was viewing everything from the wrong perspective. I was choosing to look at my situations through a telescope rather than natural means. Beyond that, I was walking mostly by sight and only slightly by faith. When you do those things, it's EASY to succumb to apathy, discouragement, resentment, rebellion...I mean it just begins a vicious little cycle of garbage! You see, the enemy wants us to live life that way. He wants us to view things through the narrow scope of life, allowing all that we see to be distorted and minimal. God's plan, however, is SO much bigger...SO much more grand...SO much more and farther beyond all that we can see and all that we can hope and all that we can even possibly imagine!

It was almost intoxicating to me to hear from my cousin that her and her family were moving churches. I had become so distorted in my vision that I found myself actually CONSIDERING doing the same thing! She had faithfully attended my pastors dad's church and served as a worship leader and children's worker...she and her husband and children had grown more in this church than I'd ever seen them grow. So to put it simply to you, I was shocked when she called me that Sunday afternoon telling me that they had just attended their final service at that church! Well...I was shocked at first, anyway. Then I began to almost salivate at all the opportunities that they had before them! They were going to a bigger church. A church that had ALL kinds of different ministries from which one could serve in! A church that is modern and relevant and...everything I was beginning to see, through my distorted scope, that my church was not. Their church has children's ministry...youth ministry...men's ministry...college/career...cafe...and their view on praise and worship at that church matches more of my OWN idea of what it should be in a church. I mean, I was almost only a phone call away from hooking up with THAT church!

It's crazy, really. Putting things in perspective like that, placing words to that perspective and then reading over it. Wow. Anyway...I knew better than to just up and go without God either releasing me to do so or speaking to my heart about it. My emotions were telling me to run but my heart told me to stay. I wanted to make the move but I just knew that if God called me to come back home and serve at my church like I KNOW that He did (see, I was planning to stay for a 3rd year at Bible school but God made it evident that I was NOT to do that) then there HAS to be a reason for Him to have done that! So I decided that I was just gonna grin and bear it, albeit miserably so. I found that I was trying to convince myself that I no longer belonged at this church.

"I'm not even the worship leader. Sure, I lead the songs...but I'm not the worship leader...so what does it even matter?" "I'm not even an associate pastor. Sure, I fulfill those duties...but that's not my title either. So who really cares??" "I can't even start a college/career ministry. I can't even start a MEN'S ministry. My hands are tied! I can't do ANYTHING at this stupid church!" Yeah...those were actually thoughts belonging to yours truly. I know what I'm called to do and because I couldn't see myself DOING the things I'm called to do, I decided that I MUST not actually be doing them. I then heard my pastor say one thing to our head usher today while we were having worship band practice before service. That one thing, was simply..."Noah didn't wait for it to rain before he started building the boat..." Yes, I'm aware that I heard that totally out of context but it was exactly what I needed to hear. That was just God preparing my heart for the message tonight in youth. I won't cover the details of the message simply b/c I only remember the key points that cut straight to my heart.

Simply, I AM where I belong. I don't belong elsewhere. I don't belong back at Rhema. I don't belong in another church or ministry. It's NOT time for me to just go out and start my own church, either! God has placed me right where I am. And God's plan for me is HERE. He didn't place me here out of desperation or in error. He didn't place me here out of sequence. He placed me here for THIS TIME and for THIS SEASON and b/c of that truth then there IS a reason for it! This place has SOMETHING to do with God's plan in my life. And if I'm NOT in this God-place, then I will MISS what God is trying to do in me and through me.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you can't relate. I had to type out this blog, however. Hopefully it will encourage any of you that find yourselves in a state of discouragement right now. I'm confident of one thing...God has a plan for you! And that plan is a GOOD plan and it is a PERFECT plan and ALL you have to do is follow Him and you will LIVE IN that plan! Some of you are in a place where you don't see yourselves accomplishing the same things that you felt God speak into your heart years ago. I encourage you to stop "looking" and just believe! Walk by faith in what God spoke to you and not by your own reasoning or understanding of the situation. If God spoke it, He didn't lie about it! I DON'T CARE where you find yourself right now! God has a plan for you and that plan will be accomplished! It doesn't matter what you see. If Noah had gone by all that he'd seen...if he had been discouraged by all that he heard, all creation would have been wiped from this earth! Listen to what God says! Listen to what His Word says! Forsake EVERYTHING else! Have faith in God!

Amen.

Love and Dating and Their Musing Power (And Ability to Make Me Ramble)

So I'm aware that "musing" likely isn't a officially recognized word or terminology but I had to word it some how. We see it's influence in television, films, music...practically everywhere. There's just something wonderful yet terrifying yet all-encompassing yet mysterious yet magical about love.

No, this won't be my typical blog. This blog has very little to do with religion or with theology or with relationship and fellowship with my Savior. This blog is all about romantic, powerful love and my quest to let it find me. Yes, you read it right...I want love to find me. I've searched high and low; taken many journeys in life in an attempt to discover this ever-elusive...thing. Yes, I've loved, I've lost, I've done it all. Yes, I DO believe in love. And, no, I have not given up on love either.

The last year has been a wonderful journey for me in which I have really come to know myself. It's an amazing thing to take a step back and look at yourself only to realize that you have NEVER really known yourself. It's also not at easy fact to accept considering I've always prided myself on being the most real, genuine, honest and down to earth person anyone would ever meet. Perhaps I was being all of those things to everyone else...except for myself.

I fell in love REALLY hard one time back when I was in college. We started as friends and just fell really hard for each other, or at least I fell really hard for her. I spent a week with her and her family that summer...her dad even gave me "the talk" one day whilst riding around town. We made plans for our future and we just couldn't WAIT to start living out the plan of God together forever! A few weeks after I left her home that summer, she met another boy..kissed him...and a couple years later married him.

So much for that, huh? Where did that leave me? In a broken heap. I turned inward..and stayed that way for many, many years following. In fact, that's been about 7 years ago now...and I've only recently come out of that hole that I buried myself in. So now, like a phoenix, I've risen from the earth ready to burn bright alongside my mate. The problem is, however, that I've forgotten how to make those pure connections with people due to my many years of selfish dating endeavors and playing the field and basically just using people.

Now let's not get it twisted...this is NOT a blog reflecting on my past nor is it a blog seeking the pity of others...I simply wanted to lay just a bit of back story here. Though the things in my more recent past are kinda negative, I've been restored, my broken heart has FINALLY healed (simply b/c I gave that issue to God and let Him heal me) and I've given up my pursuit of immorality to cure all my hurt.

I've watched most of my closest friends get married. In fact, I was in 2 weddings this summer back to back. In recent years I've witnessed nearly all of my single friends meet, court and marry their loves. I don't know if it's the fact that nearly all of these friends have been younger than me that has jarred me or if it's simply the realization that I've placed myself in this position over the years that's caused me to miss out...but either way I'm ready for my time.

The biggest issue that I've discovered is that I have almost always settled. I've been lonely and just so desperate to have that relationship with someone (neither of these are good reasons to date someone, by the way!) that I've, in times past, settled for the first cute girl to come along and show some interest. Then, once in that relationship, I've found myself unsatisfied due to personality clashes, emotional instabilities, intellect barriers and *gasp* even attraction issues. I know, I've likely just been written off as a shallow guy because of that list...but hear me out.

Where do we get the idea that it's OK to settle for something less than what we REALLY want? Is it NOT OK to have standards or something? I mean, seriously, I've dated some really pretty girls...but I've realized that these same girls aren't the best that I could do either. And I just don't see what's wrong with that realization. I DO believe that there is SOME woman of God out there that embodies everything I want in a woman...a great personality, reasonable emotional stability, intelligent (both naturally and spiritually) and out of my league gorgeous. I've never really pursued any woman like that before. Sure, I've known many women that would fit all of those things and then some...but I never even TRIED with them (other than the chick from college). So I've adopted a new philosophy on dating..and it's the same philosophy I have when it comes to everything else, really. I'm looking at over-all quality. When I purchase something, I don't buy the cheapest thing...I buy what will give me the most long-term return for the highest quality. Why shouldn't I seek a relationship in the same fashion?

I know that some in the Christian circle will view this blog and preach at me that I should "just wait on the Lord and He will provide and bring her unto you" and all that stuff. I don't disagree with that totally, however, I live in a natural world where not EVERYTHING is spiritual. Beyond that, is it NOT my job as a man to be the pursuer of a woman?? I'm aware that I'll likely get rejected many times over...I've always pursued the ones that I KNEW I'd have a shot at. But I'm ready to be brave now and actually go for what I desire rather than what could just be served to me on a silver platter.

So women of God of the world...this is your served notice. If you match any of the above listed criteria and you are NOT afraid of being a pastors wife or if you believe that you are called to be a pastors wife, I'm coming for you! No, I'm not looking to play the field...I'm not looking to date as many women as is possible in search for "the one". I'm not even looking to get married. What I REALLY want to find is that friend...that mate...and I want to woo her and court her and show her that Hollywood doesn't have the corner market on romance. I learned romance from my Father in Heaven...the Greatest Romantic one could ever know.

The end...for now.

LOVE!!!!

There's A Stirring...

As of this month, I've been home from bible school for 2 months. During that 2 years of training, I received more in-depth bible teaching, knowledge and application than I ever have before...and that's saying A LOT! I received something else during that time as well though...vision. I had it all planned out in my head of what my return home would be like. I realized, of course, that things have a way of turning out SO much differently than what you envision in your head or even in your heart most of the time...so when I got home to discover that I'd basically be sitting on my hands most of the time, I wasn't COMPLETELY shocked.

How many of you know what it's like to KNOW that you are called to do something or you KNOW that you have a certain purpose in your life and yet you find yourself in a place that neither supports that plan nor gives you an avenue to live it out? Anybody feel me there? Now for those of you that are just going to label me as "negative" here, I encourage you to just GET REAL with yourselves and realize that I'm simply stating things the way that they are. If you can't relate to this then perhaps you should just stop reading. Love ya! Anyway...coming home, I found myself in that very place mentioned above. I know what I'm called to do. I've known it in my heart since I was a child, had it confirmed to me over and over and over again and...besides all that, I've had that drive in me my whole life.

Some might say that I'm just too impatient or unwilling to submit (which is TOTALLY untrue!) to authority but I decree something else entirely. I'm just a driven and passionate individual that likes to get things done...and I've grown very tired of waiting. So here's what I'm going to do...I'm going to begin video-blogging. What am I gonna Vlog about? I'm not entirely sure. I know that I'll be giving you things from the Word of God that you'll not only find relevant and simple but also true and applicable to your every day life. I'm tired of church as usual. I'm tired of being a butt in the seat. Most of all, I'm tired of having to hold in everything I have stirring inside of me. If there isn't an avenue for me to pour out in the local church, if there isn't a platform from which I can stand and proclaim the truth, if there isn't a body of believers that I can stand before and minister to...then my life is as nothing.

It's time for me to take matters into my own hands, in a way. I NEED to pour out...I don't want to. When things are bursting inside of you, you have to just let them out. What better place for that...what better avenue than the internet? By making every where that I go my pulpit, whether naturally or digitally, I can and will fulfill the plan of God for my life. No need to be micro-managed by others here...as a minister, I answer first of all to my Father in Heaven. Yes, I'll still be accountable to others. Namely, my pastor and my church....but my Vloggings will not be affiliated with them in any way other than in natural association.

So you want a relevant word for your life? Tune in for my video blogs, coming to a server near you very soon!

Be blessed and I love ya!