Lately I HAVE been a bit discouraged. Anyone that has read previous blogs or has spent any time with me in person at all could likely pick up on that. Despite ALLLLL the encouragement I received the last 2 years in Bible school and ALLLLL the great services and ALLLL the encouraging facebook status updates of favorite Rhema instructors such as Doug Jones and Karen Jensen, I've found myself discouraged. What sliced me like a dull sickle, however, was one particular status update by one of my aforementioned instructors. Now, I doubt that Mrs. Jensen takes the time to read my blogs, but just in case she does...thank you, Mrs. Karen! You rock! This is what the update said: "You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him."
Yeah...that one kinda hurt. What I had failed to realize is that I was viewing everything from the wrong perspective. I was choosing to look at my situations through a telescope rather than natural means. Beyond that, I was walking mostly by sight and only slightly by faith. When you do those things, it's EASY to succumb to apathy, discouragement, resentment, rebellion...I mean it just begins a vicious little cycle of garbage! You see, the enemy wants us to live life that way. He wants us to view things through the narrow scope of life, allowing all that we see to be distorted and minimal. God's plan, however, is SO much bigger...SO much more grand...SO much more and farther beyond all that we can see and all that we can hope and all that we can even possibly imagine!
It was almost intoxicating to me to hear from my cousin that her and her family were moving churches. I had become so distorted in my vision that I found myself actually CONSIDERING doing the same thing! She had faithfully attended my pastors dad's church and served as a worship leader and children's worker...she and her husband and children had grown more in this church than I'd ever seen them grow. So to put it simply to you, I was shocked when she called me that Sunday afternoon telling me that they had just attended their final service at that church! Well...I was shocked at first, anyway. Then I began to almost salivate at all the opportunities that they had before them! They were going to a bigger church. A church that had ALL kinds of different ministries from which one could serve in! A church that is modern and relevant and...everything I was beginning to see, through my distorted scope, that my church was not. Their church has children's ministry...youth ministry...men's ministry...college/career...cafe...and their view on praise and worship at that church matches more of my OWN idea of what it should be in a church. I mean, I was almost only a phone call away from hooking up with THAT church!
It's crazy, really. Putting things in perspective like that, placing words to that perspective and then reading over it. Wow. Anyway...I knew better than to just up and go without God either releasing me to do so or speaking to my heart about it. My emotions were telling me to run but my heart told me to stay. I wanted to make the move but I just knew that if God called me to come back home and serve at my church like I KNOW that He did (see, I was planning to stay for a 3rd year at Bible school but God made it evident that I was NOT to do that) then there HAS to be a reason for Him to have done that! So I decided that I was just gonna grin and bear it, albeit miserably so. I found that I was trying to convince myself that I no longer belonged at this church.
"I'm not even the worship leader. Sure, I lead the songs...but I'm not the worship leader...so what does it even matter?" "I'm not even an associate pastor. Sure, I fulfill those duties...but that's not my title either. So who really cares??" "I can't even start a college/career ministry. I can't even start a MEN'S ministry. My hands are tied! I can't do ANYTHING at this stupid church!" Yeah...those were actually thoughts belonging to yours truly. I know what I'm called to do and because I couldn't see myself DOING the things I'm called to do, I decided that I MUST not actually be doing them. I then heard my pastor say one thing to our head usher today while we were having worship band practice before service. That one thing, was simply..."Noah didn't wait for it to rain before he started building the boat..." Yes, I'm aware that I heard that totally out of context but it was exactly what I needed to hear. That was just God preparing my heart for the message tonight in youth. I won't cover the details of the message simply b/c I only remember the key points that cut straight to my heart.
Simply, I AM where I belong. I don't belong elsewhere. I don't belong back at Rhema. I don't belong in another church or ministry. It's NOT time for me to just go out and start my own church, either! God has placed me right where I am. And God's plan for me is HERE. He didn't place me here out of desperation or in error. He didn't place me here out of sequence. He placed me here for THIS TIME and for THIS SEASON and b/c of that truth then there IS a reason for it! This place has SOMETHING to do with God's plan in my life. And if I'm NOT in this God-place, then I will MISS what God is trying to do in me and through me.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe you can't relate. I had to type out this blog, however. Hopefully it will encourage any of you that find yourselves in a state of discouragement right now. I'm confident of one thing...God has a plan for you! And that plan is a GOOD plan and it is a PERFECT plan and ALL you have to do is follow Him and you will LIVE IN that plan! Some of you are in a place where you don't see yourselves accomplishing the same things that you felt God speak into your heart years ago. I encourage you to stop "looking" and just believe! Walk by faith in what God spoke to you and not by your own reasoning or understanding of the situation. If God spoke it, He didn't lie about it! I DON'T CARE where you find yourself right now! God has a plan for you and that plan will be accomplished! It doesn't matter what you see. If Noah had gone by all that he'd seen...if he had been discouraged by all that he heard, all creation would have been wiped from this earth! Listen to what God says! Listen to what His Word says! Forsake EVERYTHING else! Have faith in God!
Amen.
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