No, this won't be my typical blog. This blog has very little to do with religion or with theology or with relationship and fellowship with my Savior. This blog is all about romantic, powerful love and my quest to let it find me. Yes, you read it right...I want love to find me. I've searched high and low; taken many journeys in life in an attempt to discover this ever-elusive...thing. Yes, I've loved, I've lost, I've done it all. Yes, I DO believe in love. And, no, I have not given up on love either.
The last year has been a wonderful journey for me in which I have really come to know myself. It's an amazing thing to take a step back and look at yourself only to realize that you have NEVER really known yourself. It's also not at easy fact to accept considering I've always prided myself on being the most real, genuine, honest and down to earth person anyone would ever meet. Perhaps I was being all of those things to everyone else...except for myself.
I fell in love REALLY hard one time back when I was in college. We started as friends and just fell really hard for each other, or at least I fell really hard for her. I spent a week with her and her family that summer...her dad even gave me "the talk" one day whilst riding around town. We made plans for our future and we just couldn't WAIT to start living out the plan of God together forever! A few weeks after I left her home that summer, she met another boy..kissed him...and a couple years later married him.
So much for that, huh? Where did that leave me? In a broken heap. I turned inward..and stayed that way for many, many years following. In fact, that's been about 7 years ago now...and I've only recently come out of that hole that I buried myself in. So now, like a phoenix, I've risen from the earth ready to burn bright alongside my mate. The problem is, however, that I've forgotten how to make those pure connections with people due to my many years of selfish dating endeavors and playing the field and basically just using people.
Now let's not get it twisted...this is NOT a blog reflecting on my past nor is it a blog seeking the pity of others...I simply wanted to lay just a bit of back story here. Though the things in my more recent past are kinda negative, I've been restored, my broken heart has FINALLY healed (simply b/c I gave that issue to God and let Him heal me) and I've given up my pursuit of immorality to cure all my hurt.
I've watched most of my closest friends get married. In fact, I was in 2 weddings this summer back to back. In recent years I've witnessed nearly all of my single friends meet, court and marry their loves. I don't know if it's the fact that nearly all of these friends have been younger than me that has jarred me or if it's simply the realization that I've placed myself in this position over the years that's caused me to miss out...but either way I'm ready for my time.
The biggest issue that I've discovered is that I have almost always settled. I've been lonely and just so desperate to have that relationship with someone (neither of these are good reasons to date someone, by the way!) that I've, in times past, settled for the first cute girl to come along and show some interest. Then, once in that relationship, I've found myself unsatisfied due to personality clashes, emotional instabilities, intellect barriers and *gasp* even attraction issues. I know, I've likely just been written off as a shallow guy because of that list...but hear me out.
Where do we get the idea that it's OK to settle for something less than what we REALLY want? Is it NOT OK to have standards or something? I mean, seriously, I've dated some really pretty girls...but I've realized that these same girls aren't the best that I could do either. And I just don't see what's wrong with that realization. I DO believe that there is SOME woman of God out there that embodies everything I want in a woman...a great personality, reasonable emotional stability, intelligent (both naturally and spiritually) and out of my league gorgeous. I've never really pursued any woman like that before. Sure, I've known many women that would fit all of those things and then some...but I never even TRIED with them (other than the chick from college). So I've adopted a new philosophy on dating..and it's the same philosophy I have when it comes to everything else, really. I'm looking at over-all quality. When I purchase something, I don't buy the cheapest thing...I buy what will give me the most long-term return for the highest quality. Why shouldn't I seek a relationship in the same fashion?
I know that some in the Christian circle will view this blog and preach at me that I should "just wait on the Lord and He will provide and bring her unto you" and all that stuff. I don't disagree with that totally, however, I live in a natural world where not EVERYTHING is spiritual. Beyond that, is it NOT my job as a man to be the pursuer of a woman?? I'm aware that I'll likely get rejected many times over...I've always pursued the ones that I KNEW I'd have a shot at. But I'm ready to be brave now and actually go for what I desire rather than what could just be served to me on a silver platter.
So women of God of the world...this is your served notice. If you match any of the above listed criteria and you are NOT afraid of being a pastors wife or if you believe that you are called to be a pastors wife, I'm coming for you! No, I'm not looking to play the field...I'm not looking to date as many women as is possible in search for "the one". I'm not even looking to get married. What I REALLY want to find is that friend...that mate...and I want to woo her and court her and show her that Hollywood doesn't have the corner market on romance. I learned romance from my Father in Heaven...the Greatest Romantic one could ever know.
The end...for now.
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